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GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT !
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SHADOWDANCER



Joined: 26 May 2011
Posts: 61
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2011 10:05 am    Post subject: GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT ! Reply with quote

> A ghost walks into a Pub, and up to the bar.

Ghost: "do you serve Spirits?"


> A woman goes to see a Medium. Looking into her crystal ball, the Medium says:

"You will meet a tall dark Stranger, very soon...."

The woman leaves, musing on this. But fails to look when crossing the road. And gets killed. A tall Figure in a hooded black cloak, holding a scythe, turns up.

Woman: "My goodness, she was right!"
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bitterbuck1
Moderator


Joined: 18 Nov 2006
Posts: 3962
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2011 6:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing
Good ones Shadow!
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SHADOWDANCER



Joined: 26 May 2011
Posts: 61
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2011 11:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bitterbuck1 wrote:
Laughing
Good ones Shadow!


Thanks, bitterbuck. We even have the same taste in Text Colour Exclamation Wink
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HENUT-TEPY



Joined: 20 May 2011
Posts: 79
Location: ENGLAND

PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2011 2:46 am    Post subject: Re: GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT ! Reply with quote

Nice jokes, Little Bro! Here's one for you. Just to prove I didn't take the Bambi ribbing too seriously:-

Q: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A: A bam-boo!


And how about this one:

Q: What did the ghost teacher say to her class ?
A: Watch the board, and I'll go through it again!


I'm really on a roll now ! Very Happy


Last edited by HENUT-TEPY on Sun May 29, 2011 3:00 am; edited 1 time in total
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SHADOWDANCER



Joined: 26 May 2011
Posts: 61
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2011 2:55 am    Post subject: Re: GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT ! Reply with quote

HENUT-TEPY wrote:
I'm really on a roll now! Very Happy


Is that a Sausage Roll? Or a Ham Roll, Sis? Very Happy OK. Here's a Spooky Joke, and a variation:

> What kind of Street does a ghost usually live on ?

A Dead End !


> Where are Graveyards usually located?

In the Dead Centre!
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ALEX LOCKWOOD



Joined: 20 Feb 2009
Posts: 238
Location: UNITED KINGDOM

PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2011 3:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice ones guys! Very Happy OK. My contributions:

Q: What do short-sighted ghosts wear?
A: Spooktacles.


Q: What's a ghost's favorite desert?
A: I scream.
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bitterbuck1
Moderator


Joined: 18 Nov 2006
Posts: 3962
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2011 2:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

SHADOWDANCER wrote:
bitterbuck1 wrote:
Laughing
Good ones Shadow!


Thanks, bitterbuck. We even have the same taste in Text Colour Exclamation Wink


Laughing Laughing
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ALEX LOCKWOOD



Joined: 20 Feb 2009
Posts: 238
Location: UNITED KINGDOM

PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 3:20 am    Post subject: Re: GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT ! Reply with quote

I would say you're the 'hammy one' shadow Wink But you're right about the 'roll', both of you. It's so addictive!

Now for some medium jokes:


One day a clairvoyant returned a dress to a shop.

Clairvoyant: "This dress is too small, young man."
Assistant: "That's because you're a medium, madam!"


One day a medium returned a crystal ball to a shop.

Medium: "I'm getting static. And the image won't change."
Assistant: "That's because you you bought a Snow Globe, madam!"


A medium goes to a doctor about her Deja Vu. He gives her a Repeat Prescription!

Another medium tried to fortell the future using a radio. Trouble was, she couldn't tune in.
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HENUT-TEPY



Joined: 20 May 2011
Posts: 79
Location: ENGLAND

PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 11:28 am    Post subject: Re: GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT ! Reply with quote

You sure don't think much of mediums, Alex Lockwood! But I like the way you 'roll'. And yours are 'deadly', Little Bro. Wink OK, try this one, and see if you can work it out:

Q: What do you call a man in a whirlpool?
A: Eddie.


Thanks for this one Alex. I appreciate it being a Simpsons fan (thanks to my son and husband Smile):

Q: What do you call a man with a house on his head?
A: Homer!


Marge finds in hair-raising Wink
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thecactus



Joined: 07 Mar 2011
Posts: 3183
Location: Northern Ireland

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 7:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

you guys are funny Laughing Laughing Laughing

heres mine:


crazy man joke

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office."Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.""Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry".

Laughing
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bitterbuck1
Moderator


Joined: 18 Nov 2006
Posts: 3962
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 12:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I posted this one years ago.
When our girls were young they came home with this one....
(mind you it is not 'spooky' related) Very Happy

What floats in the air and smells like worm? worm

A bird fart!
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thecactus



Joined: 07 Mar 2011
Posts: 3183
Location: Northern Ireland

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 12:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning.When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."


Laughing Laughing Laughing
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bitterbuck1
Moderator


Joined: 18 Nov 2006
Posts: 3962
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing
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thecactus



Joined: 07 Mar 2011
Posts: 3183
Location: Northern Ireland

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 1:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Six Truths in Life




1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility due to the tendons within your neck .












































2. All idiots, after reading 1. will try it.




















3. And discover #1 is a lie.
















4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.

















5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.










6. There is still a stupid smile on your face .


Laughing
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bitterbuck1
Moderator


Joined: 18 Nov 2006
Posts: 3962
Location: Arizona, USA

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 3:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn!
You got me...... Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

I am an idiot. Embarassed
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